Bearskinrug Articles

Resolve

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0500

An Ambidextrous Comic

I think in the New Year, I resolve to finally investigate that horrible wailing sound in the attic. I may need to call up that house inspector again and have him take a look.

Although, when I think about it... I don't think I ever wrote him a check for his services.

And... I actually don't remember him giving me the results of the inspection.

You know what? I think he might have gone out of business. I know he abandoned his van, because it's been in our driveway for about a month now.

A Christmas Deposition

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 05:30:00 -0500

I Saw Three Lawyers Come Sailing In...

Last week I was strolling about, humming a tune I made up in my head when I thought to myself: Why... this mirthful little dirge would make a fantastic Christmas carol! And so, tearing open the shutters of my computer, and throwing up the sash of... my... guitar, I hurriedly recorded my humming.

Moments later, I was sure I had the tune to a classic on my hands. And I did. It was "I Saw Three Ships".

Not to be discouraged by my exuberant plagiarism, I started writing a new tune, and the accompanying lyrics. Soon I had pieced together a mighty Christmas tale to add to the already bloated canon of novelty Christmas songs, thus saving Christmas. Take a listen. An Eye-listen:

A Christmas Deposition

On a wint'ry eve a jingling sound
did wake me from my bed;
And quietly I crept downstairs
my heart all full of dread.

I must admit I wasn't fit
for foiling burglaries
My judgment's poor when I take all four
pills for my STD's.

But to my surprise a merry sprite
was the author of the sound!
Yet in my haste an antique vase
I had smashed on Santa's crown.

All Christmas Cheer made Christmas Fear
by accidental fury;
Made worse next day when he came awake
while his body I did bury.

The pleading yelps of that spry old elf
brought the neighbors all a-prying;
It was tough to explain the blows I'd rained
on Saint Nick with all his crying.

In appellate court my case was sunk
by that Jolly Old Defendant
My empassioned plea didn't work 'cause he
gave the jury extra presents.

I waited, shamed, 'till the verdict came,
to sit with knocking knees.
A guilty count of attempted
Santacide and Battery.

Then, with magic pace, a fireplace
Santa's lawyer elves erected
Through which he rose, finger to his nose
not the one that I expected.

Now I slave each day so I can pay
my legal obligations
So remember me when you trim the tree
I fund your celebration.

But How Does It Go?

I thought you'd say that. Which is why I asked my good chum and musical enthusiast Ian Corey to record a version for me to post, so that the children of the world can join hands together and lift their sweet angelic voices in song. Heralding, I think that's called.

» A Christmas Deposition, by Ian Corey (MP3, 3.3 mb)

The mirthful Mr. Corey also recorded a ringtone, so that your phone can Herald as well. Though if it's coming from a phone, that might be harking. Or hearkening:

» A Christmas Deposition Ringtone, by Ian Corey (M4R, 2kb)

The best of holiday wishes to you all from those of us here at Bearskinrug! Well... mostly me. Ernie is busy barking at anything made of matter, and Mojo and Lewis went out to do some drinking and holiday vandalizing.

Snowman Sleepover

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 10:00:00 -0500

A Magical Hat Does Not A Friend Make

Here's something to figure out... can that magic hat bring everything to life? Say I'm a magician, and I come home from a long day of doing magic on street corners, and I put my top hat on the hat rack. Does the hat rack come to life and start dancing around? And what if I want it to stop? I can take it off the hat rack, sure, but I gotta put it down somewhere, and the moment I do that does the chair or the couch, or my kitchen table break into song? If you really think about it, this hat is more of a curse than a gift. I think I'd rather have a top hat that kills whoever wears it. Then I might be able to finagle an early inheritance from my rich Uncle Thurston.

Mojo and the Bagboy

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 07:15:50 -0500

Truth in Eight Panels

Every now and then, I manage to write a comic that helps convey my deepest beliefs. Art, after all, is a vehicle for expressing oneself; and if the artist sees an opportunity to break through those barriers that impede their growth — fear of rejection, fear of alienation, fear of appearing foolish or stupid — by God, they must take that risk! They must be honest, and may the consequences be damned! So it is with great relief, and not a little pride, that I release this comic and the universal principle of humanity that it affirms:

Never help anyone. Ever.

Unfortunately, this is in perfect conflict with another of my guiding axioms: Always Help Me. Always.

Do or Do Not Join The Fight Against Server Transfer Syndrome.

As some of you may have noticed, the site has been acting funny these past couple of days. I've been moved to a new server and there's still some weirdness going on, on here and on the Superest as well. But hopefully it'll be cleared up in a few days. In the meantime, if you experience a problem, feel free to email me and let me know. Unless you've taken the above lesson to heart, in which case I heartily commend you for your doing of nothing. Or wait — do I not commend you? No.

Yes.

No... Y...

Nes.

Building A Better Box Top

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 08:52:14 -0500

The Ingredients Of Success

Throughout my life, I have pursued a lot of pizza. And consequently, I have spent a great deal of time studying the tops of pizza boxes, usually in the first trance-like minute or so of gorging. Recently I found myself contemplating the curiosities of a particular box top, when I realized that the vast majority of them seem to be designed according to a small set of unspoken principles.

Let me demonstrate. Here we have a simple, unadorned box.

The first step towards turning this into a pizza box seems to be the addition of a cook.

Preferably an Italian cook.

He should be showing us the pizza we're about to eat...

...and he should be touting some of the chief virtues of this pizza.

And finally, this tasty scene should be conveyed to us in thoroughly Italian colors...

...completely off-register.

These are, in my opinion, the essential ingredients of the Pizza Box.

Target Practice

Having observed these rules, I couldn't help but wonder what makes this such an effective selling tool — what does this classic scene communicate to the consumer? Apparently, pizza purchasers find appeal in the suggestion that their pizza was prepared by an authentic Italian chef. Also, they seem to appreciate advance warning of what a pizza looks like, I suppose so they're not too surprised when they open the box. And lastly, they seem to take great comfort in the reassurance that the pizza has recently been in an oven, and will have a pleasant taste.

This formula obviously has worked for years. And yet, I can't help but wonder how it could be improved upon. In this modern advertising era, we recognize that not all consumers are created equal, and what appeals to one, doesn't always appeal to another. You need to target specific demographic groups, and send a message specifically tailored to make them open their wallets.

For instance, this message here:

...particularly resonates for the consumer concerned with limiting their consumption of filth and urine. A group which would probably also appreciate this design:

It really offers increased flexibility in pizza topping. Consumers will be much more willing to try something exotic-looking when they're absolutely sure it's meant to be on the pizza.

An increasingly-large portion of consumers are no longer just concerned with the quality of the product they buy. They want to give their business to companies they trust. Companies defined by their industry and integrity:

Definitely a box that feeds not only your body, but also your conscience. And for the consumer whose absolute highest priority is finding an honest vendor, this box certainly delivers more than just pizza:

Their pizza might not be refreshing, but their frankness sure is.

Lastly, I've designed a box that sort of throws a bone to those unsung heroes of the pizza parlor, the delivery boy:

This should increase tips by 4, maybe 5 percent. But it will probably reduce lonely-housewife seduction ratios. If Fatal Attraction taught us anything, it's that stalker behavior tends to squeeze all the romance out of an extra-marital affair.

So there you go... just a few examples to get you thinking about the unexplored territory of pizza box design. There are, of course, numerous other groups I didn't even get to speak towards, but that will have to wait for another day. All this pizza drawing has me craving a slice of hot, fresh, delicious, non-urine/filth/pest-topped, legitimate pizza.

Peoplemals Prints

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 16:43:21 -0500

Headline: Back Attack Hurts Sales

This week, I write under rather unusual circumstances. See, on Sunday, I was doing a lot of leaf-raking, followed by running, followed by more leaf-raking, followed by bringing in the outdoor furniture. And somewhere in this smorgasbord of physical activity, I managed to throw my back out.

I must admit this is not a rare affliction for me. In the parlance of our times, I have what they call a "trick back". I say trick in the sense that it likes to play practical jokes on me — hilarious jokes — like all the muscles that allow me to hold my body upright suddenly decided to... disappear! So, up until about today, I couldn't move about the house unless I was doubled-over, watching my feet. And while I'm unhappy with such circumstances, I can at least be thankful that I can sit comfortably in a chair. Otherwise I'd have to work while laying down, and I hate the implications of telling people that I'm currently earning a living on my back.

But, enough about my back. The important message of today is that I'm now selling 5 new prints in the Bearskinrug Store. So if you've always wanted your own copy of Manda, Mantelope, Giraffellow, Hebra and Shebra, or Lady Sowager, now is the time to pick them up! Figuratively and literally. Because you know, I shouldn't be doing any lifting with my back like this. Have you no heart?

The Sketchbook of Opportunity

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 07:22:59 -0500

An Investment That Won't Dry Up

It take two things to be a real-estate entrepreneur: money, and big ideas. And while I don't have the money for entrepreneurship, I do have plenty of big ideas. Huge ideas. Picture this: you go to an amusement park with the family. You're enjoying rides, exotic sugar-based foods, ample parking, be-costumed trademark cartoon characters — all the family-fun you'd expect from a Six-Flags or Disneyland. And at the same time, you're enjoying the peace and harmony of the outdoors, as the entire park floats down one of nature's most beautiful waterways!

But something's missing... where's the adventure? The thrills? Don't pack up the kids and head home yet... because in mere moments you, and the entire park, will share the experience of a lifetime as you plunge over Niagara Falls!

All interested investors can reach me through my contact form. Choose the subject line "I want in on the riverbed floor..."

Humanity's Second-Oldest Profession

Now, I bet you're saying to yourself, "Well, that explains the top page... but what's this bottom one?" You might even be thinking that this is one of those "Doodle-Off" competitions I wrote about a while ago. Wrong! What you're looking at are the early plans for reviving one of man's most exciting and time-tested job opportunities!

Centuries ago, resourceful young men pooled their talents and formed powerful investment groups that traveled the countryside in search of high-risk, high-yield ventures such as raping villages and hijacking trains. Due to market fluctuations, economic downturn, and posses most of these large firms went defunct, but in this new economic atmosphere there's no better time to revive the time-honored career of Banditoing!

I am accepting applications through my contact form. Choose the subject line "Yes! I'm interested in longer horseback rides and a shorter lifespan..." and include any previous pillaging experience. Vikings need not apply.

Costume Party Pooper

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 06:39:24 -0500

An Ambidextrous Comic

Costume parties always sound like fun to me, but I rarely ever put on an outfit for one. And if I do make a costume, you can bet I didn't put much effort into it. I have a bit of a mental block when it comes to using creativity in the "real world" rather than on paper. Also, I believe a party should be an opportunity to decrease stress. It seems odd to tack on five or six extra hours of work before a party creating an uncomfortable costume which, odds are, I will throw out as soon as I get home.

What I should do from now on is create costumes that are still useful after the party. Like a cop uniform. Or a coffin.

The Boorish Condiment

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 07:36:09 -0500

Save It For The Drawing Room, Ketchup

I think I'd like to throw a dinner party. I really don't know much about them, except from what I've gleaned from New Yorker cartoons. I know I should be wearing a white tie and black jacket, and Kim should be wearing pearls and perhaps holding opera glasses. Also the entire dinner conversation has to revolve around the news of the day, you know, iceberg-related tragedies and maybe the latest fashions out of Paris. And after dinner the men and I retire to the drawing room, where we'll smoke cigars and talk about subjects inappropriate for discussion in front of the more delicate sex. Our penises, I guess.

The BSR Health Care Plan

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 11:21:02 -0500

Another Look At The Pore Man's Art

Lately, I've been pleasantly surprised to find that people are getting tattoos of things I've drawn. This is quite a compliment for any artist to receive — it's heart-warming to know that someone was willing to sit in intense pain for up to three hours for me. The only other people about whom I could say the same are the unlucky recipients of the meatloaf I made with expired ground beef, expired eggs, and – somehow – expired salt.

I have dealt with the subject of tattoos before. A ways back, I came to the conclusion that the best kind of tattoo was a functional one. With a functional tattoo, even when the luster and novelty of the tattoo has worn off years later, the information it presents still makes it a relevant addition to your skin. But while I proposed a couple practical tattoos, I never really took the next logical step of providing one. Until now, that is.

The Bearskinrug CPR Tattoo

Behold! Pictured above is a tattoo detailing the important steps of CPR. Simply download the file from here, go to your local inksmith, and get this handy guide tattooed on your person. I honestly feel that the inside of the forearm is the best place for it. That way you can either refer to it yourself as you give CPR, or it can be easily readable by persons performing CPR on you.

I got the steps from a couple of sources online, but I will warn you I didn't actually run this by a doctor or any sort of legitimate health organization. And while I tried to make things as legible as possible, I'm not exactly familiar with how ink reacts to skin, so hopefully the lettering is large and clear enough. And lastly, I'd recommend that if you plan to get this tattoo, you never wear long sleeves, and always try to have a heart attack while laying on your back. And please, if you do happen to get one, share the results with me. The tattoo I mean. Not the heart attack.

Not that I don't want to hear about your heart attack. Especially if it was my meatloaf that did it.

This has been a Bearskinrug Public Health Message.

Mojo’s Leave

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 10:10:52 -0500

The Baby Needs Fluffing

What a shame. It's tough being a single parent, working and raising a child. Even if the child is just a pillow tucked under a maternity dress. Although, in Mojo's defense, an overstuffed pillow is much closer to being the actual offspring of a sock monkey than a real baby.

I suppose we shouldn't judge him until Lew finishes that study on sock monkey reproduction.

Canadian Sketches

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 05:40:25 -0500

Spelunking Up North

I recently arrived home from a trip to the Ottawa International Animation Festival with my frequent travel companions, Rob and Sutter. We had made a similar trip about two years ago, and I for one was looking forward to the opportunity to drink in Ottawa's many pubs, re-caffeinate at their many coffee places, and eat at their many breakfast places (in one of which we shared a delicious meal with two outstanding Ottawan natives). But even more than eating and greeting, I was looking forward to getting some quality time with my sketchbook, and sharing the results with you fine people.

This particular sketchbook is Sketchbook Twenty, a thin-paged Moleskine Notebook. For this trip, I decided to create themed pages to give me something to react to. The "Antique" page is displayed above, and contains one of the numerous comics created by Rob, Sutter, and I, where we'd draw one frame each and hand it off to the next person. It's a much easier way to make a comic. Unless you're the person who has to do the punchline. Then it's much, much harder. We like to give those to Rob.

But, as you can guess, I didn't just create an Antique Page. I also created a "Smoking" page, a "Flour" page, a "Signs" page, and many more. Below is half of the "Curmudgeon" page. Of particular interest here is the depiction of my old, cranky, grizzled iMac translated to human form. Though in reality, my iMac didn't lose an i.

Life Lessons Learned While Sitting In A Dark Non-Porno Theater

I uncovered one of life's important truths this festival. Apparently, the more ambiguous a person's storyline is, the longer they need to make their animation. Sitting there in the dark, I believe I finally came to understand what it's like to be a manic depressive, as the majority of short, punchy animations seemed to be book-ended by slow, sad, and tedious explorations of abstract narrative. It got to the point where I was drawing in the theater once I would (inevitably) lose the storyline. I had just enough time and low light to speculate how one of the particularly laborious offenders was conceived and produced:

But, ponies aside, I'm now home, and glad for it. Travel is a necessary evil to remind me why I choose the life of a recluse in the first place. Even Ernie's relentless barking and philosophy of unceasing subversion seem cute and amusing after several days away from home. Why, I'm not even dismayed at the prospect of stamping, signing, wrapping, and mailing fifty books for the rest of the week!

Well... maybe I'm a little dismayed.

Hey... are you talking about Benjamin Button?

Yes I am. The books finally arrived while I was gone, so if you ordered a copy, delivery is impending! Feel free to shout with glee. I'll join you...

Weeeeeeeeeeeee....

Death Letter

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 08:42:02 -0500

Grim Business

More than anything, this comic makes me wonder about the "urgent business" for which Death had to leave. Think about it — for him to zip off in the middle of a reaping means it was probably an emergency, and judging by the nature of his job, the biggest emergency he could have is someone coming back to life.

So I bet zombies make Death really annoyed. He's probably standing around, watching all these undead walk by, and he's all like "Crap! This is three month's worth of work down the toilet!"

Shit. I probably shouldn't have written that. It would have made a pretty good Six-Penny Anthem for Halloween. Everyone forget I wrote that!

I'll start over again.

Grim Business Humor

I bet Death probably had a good chuckle when he came to the part about leaving his sickle in the "living room", Right? Am I right?

Foot of the Rabbit

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 08:01:45 -0500

Lucky Break

The custom of toting about a rabbit's foot really is quite odd. Although I have to admit, I never really came to this conclusion until getting Ernie.

There's actually a great deal of similarity between rabbits and dachshunds. Both are quite diminutive in stature, and have long skinny builds with short limbs. I first noticed this relationship when taking Ernie out to answer the call of nature. Observe:

So one day, Kim and I were sitting on the couch — feeling Ernie's paws — and the contrast of soft fur over hard knuckle and nail both reminded us of rabbit's feet. And after a few minutes mulling over this new revelation, we decided it would make much more sense for us to cut off one of Ernie's feet, rather than waste money in the Kmart vending machine. But, knowing that Ernie needs his paws to destroy our floors, we selflessly put the idea aside.

Benjamin Button Art, Part I.

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:17:40 -0500

Autographed Benjamin Buttons

With enough of you bibliophiles seemingly interested in owning an autographed copy of Benjamin Button, I've made them available in the store for pre-order. So feel free to order yourself a copy. But, if you need some art to get your book-owning juices aroused, then by all means continue reading.

The Light Of Day

As I have mentioned before, I did quite a lot of research and drawing for Benjamin Button. Originally, some of this art was to be included in the book itself. But as it turns out, we didn't really have enough room. Luckily, this website is a fine venue for the Showing of Things, and so today I figured I'd share some of the concept art.

One of the first problems I tackled when I started work on the book was designing Benjamin. On the surface, this seemed difficult. The story bounces between moments of humor, and moments of sadness, and for the most part, the old Benjamin was designed for comedic value, but as he... uh... youngened he needed to be dashing and handsome, able to convey callousness and vanity, yet still be likeable.

So what I did first was design an old, rather grumpy and odd-looking Benjamin, and then age that character backwards. I lucked out in that I was very happy with the results early on, and didn't need to really explore much further than the Benjamins you see above.

When I was approached by Quirkbooks, they already knew they wanted the final art in watercolor, Lester, Bow & Fiddle being the prime example of the style. This scared the crap out of me, chiefly because a graphic novel composed of such tight watercolors would take me... oh... seventeen years. But after talking it out, we agreed to sort of a watercolor/pencil hybrid style. Knowing that, I wanted to work up the roughs in a style that was quick, but would also allow the Quirkbooks staff to see how it could translate to watercolor. The page above is really just me practicing that rough style, before any work was done.

My favorite part of the concept art process, without a doubt, is creating characters. Here's a smattering of portraits for various book characters. Truth be told, I rarely had an opportunity to draw characters with such detail as you see here; the small format really only gave me enough room for a pair of dark eye sockets, a shadow under the nose, and a mouth in most panels. But still, it's best to have a fully fleshed-out character which you then simplify when it comes to the actual panel art.

As I also mentioned before, I had to spend a lot of time researching period dress. The page above explores some of those different eras. Of particular interest to me when I was doing research was seeing how drastically women's fashion seemed to change around that 1910 era. Makes me think that there's still a chance we might all be wearing unisex silver jumpsuits by 2010, like they predicted in the fifties. Fingers crossed!